still working on recovery

By daisy2012 on Tue, 02-07-12, 10:40

Posted in Group:

I had a previous post yesterday in the ED section but afraid to share much of the details of what I've been through and how the ED-mostly bulimia has affected me. this has been a long road, with treatment-phsych wards and ED center and over ten years working on recovery, but really I only really wanted it for myself the past few years, and some days I wonder if I really want it at all. I'm trying so hard to eat right but it seems I've packed on the pounds since I stopped purging-and so much restricting. Right now I feel like I have no choice but to continue with the recovery but how can I get past feeling so fat and disgusting? I feel like it would be better if I were gone, though logically I know I could not try something so drastic again. I've had too many stays at the physch ward it has been threatened I could end up in the state hospital. Then I'll really have NO control.

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By CK on Thu, 02-09-12, 11:49

So you are caught in a quandary, what do you want, recovery or to continue on this path?

Sometimes I believe in as many as six impossible things before breakfast-Alice in Wonderland

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By daisy2012 on Wed, 02-22-12, 10:02

I choose recovery although I feel very lost right now. Let's just say that will all that has happened since the last post I know recovery is the only answer, if only I were strong enough.

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By CK on Wed, 02-22-12, 11:23

You are strong enough, pull the strength from every corner of your being-literally squeeze every bit of power you have to fight this!

Sometimes I believe in as many as six impossible things before breakfast-Alice in Wonderland

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By daisy2012 on Wed, 02-22-12, 12:50

I'm trying harder. I haven't binged and purged today so something is happening.
ED is constantly on my mind, but if I keep trying it would have to get weaker as I get stronger. I don't know where the strength will come from but maybe I am stronger than I think.

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