Hi Selvania!

I think us bulimics have self destructive behavior. We may want something, but we don't allow ourselves to have it...because the "it" may just bring us too much happiness. I dot know this for fact, but I feel for myself that's why I ruin anything that may bring remotely any joy into my life. I push people away and have trouble forming relationships. I get in these modes where I'm just so sad about how my life is with this disease and I can't tell anyone, it makes me irritable. Who wants to be around someone who is grumpy. I don't know what to say, other than good luck. I wish everyone on here could get the help we need. So much easier said than done however. I find there are days that I want help, but I don't want to release the hold I have over this. I'm terrified of gaining weight. I would say I'm naturally in the normal range for my weight, most likely because I don't binge...I just purge what little I eat and exercise like crazy.

Wen I was in school I remember the toll it took on my concentration due to lack of nutrition and good sleep.

I've just screwed up a really important relationship of mine and now I'm extremely miserable. Have you discussed any of is with your boyfriend? I find I'm in constant fear that people won't understand....makes it easier to keep it to myself.

I think ultimately, we all need help from a therapist. I find otherwise this problem isn't going to go away...for me anyway. We have to retrain our brains to think in a different way. Though ill admit, I'm not sure I believe that to be possible. Good luck

i think that you have taken the first step into recovery by admitting that you see the problem have you considered an in patient treatment program sometimes even though these programs can be quite extensive it may be helpful to be around others that are trying recover through the same issues and also staff that are experience in giving the care that will help you safely regain control of their life

I have so much in common with you as far as each time I binge and purge I pray it'll be the last time. It never is. It is consuming and ruining my entire life!! Not to mention the fact that noone knows. I'm so worn and tired!!

i hope things get better for you. i have not had that issue but i do have a very hard time losing weight. ive tried everything! im out of ideas. can you help me? are you feeling depressed too? stress can make you do all kinds of stuff.ill pray for you.

Yep, I'm in the same boat, except that I eat semi-normally for breakfast and lunch (b/c I work), then around late afternoon I go on the hunt for binge foods and can't control myself... I binge all the way home from work and once I walk into my house finish up and the throw up. Its so EXHAUSTING and DEBILITATING. I know I am slowly killing myself.

My quality of life also suffers and sometimes I even risk my job by driving home to b/p during lunch or leaving work early b/c I simply can't take not purging !!!

I wish there was something that really WORKED - I've tried everything. I hope I'm not in my 70's b/p like an article CK posted earlier!! SCARY.

Caroline