I recently just fully realized that I have been Bullimic for twenty years and I am only 33 years old!!! There are very few times in my life where I don't remember binging or purging, every time I decide in my life that I am going to stop I gain and then I get obsessed with losing. I recently just have birth to my third son and I am struggling because I almost completely stopped purging during my pregnancy so I still would binge sometimes and I really feel like I gained a lot of weight during my pregnancy, I try to remind myself that it's not the most important thing but really that's what it seems like, I have decided I will finally tell my counselor at my next appointment but I am scared I won't be able to because I have not been able to the last two times, I also have looked into support groups but I am afraid to go because I think I will be the biggest one there and people will judge me and think I am ridiculous, I am overweight right now. I want to stop!!!! I cannot imagine what twenty years of doing this has done to my body, but I am also afraid because I don't know how I will recover and lose this baby weight? Or what recovery entails. I do not want to share this with my fiancé. I just know I need to do something.