A Weird Milestone

By beginagainandagain on Thu, 02-23-12, 07:02

Posted in Group:

Trusting the process of recovery is scary. Last night I "kept in" food that always ends in a purge. I was full, a little buzzed on wine, and hearing the voice of ED tell me to give in. I didn't I was gifted with the insight that if I would purge I would only keep eating, purge again, and probably do it again today.
Because I let myself own the excess and calorie dense food, Ed got the message that I am not backing down.
I now have to love myself enough to rein in my portions and stop eating before I want to. Still this "milestone' was important, and in a weird way, the swollen belly was a love letter to me. I am worth a pound or two if it means the insanity of bulimia can be let go.
Today I hope I don't need to show ED that I am serious again. I rather eat moderate and healthy, but if need be...
My vow is the same as it's been.. I will digest my food and find ways to nourish my recovery and the rest of the world that does not solely involve food!

Login or register to post comments
0 Support

By daisy2012 on Thu, 02-23-12, 09:51

Good for you. Sounds as though we are striving for the same thing. Keep showing ED we won't give in until it's hopefully one day gone.
I feel bloated and awful for not purging, but like you said, a pound or so is worth it to get ED to go away, no matter what I feel right now.

Support Points: 170

Badges

Offline

By beginagainandagain on Thu, 02-23-12, 13:32

Thanks Daisy,
I am living the dream, kinda a kidding but feeling so good about the absence of purging from my days. I am hungry now, it's noon and I should be. Choice is cool, I choose to have a snack and move on with my day. I am not failing because I eat. The part of me that says that is ED.
It helps so much to read your journey here. Thanks for checking in, I am in yours and everyone here's corner!

Support Points: 12605

Badges

Offline

By daisy2012 on Thu, 02-23-12, 15:14

Thank you. I know. It does feel like living a dream even though I feel so afraid at the same time. I never thought I would get this far. It would be great to live like this every day and be able to concentrate on other things rather than the fridge or avoiding it. There is more to life.

Support Points: 170

Badges

Offline

By beginagainandagain on Thu, 02-23-12, 16:23

amen sister

Support Points: 12605

Badges

Offline

By ABrum on Thu, 02-23-12, 21:13

So proud of you--that is such a hard thing to do when you are fighting ED: sitting with your food and loving yourself enough to not give into the voice of ED.

Great step! I applaud you in your courage and success!

Support Points: 3085

Badges

Offline

By beginagainandagain on Thu, 02-23-12, 22:26

Thanks Abrum,
I respect you for checking in when you have some good recovery under your belt. You are inspiring. I applaud you and your courage as well.

Support Points: 12605

Badges

Offline

Bulimia Information

Click on the following links to learn more about Bulimia and Bulimia Treatment information.

The information provided on SupportGroups.com is designed to support, not replace, the relationship that exists between a patient/site visitor and his/her health professional. This information and interaction provided on this site is solely for informational and educational purposes and does not constitute the practice of medicine. Information on this site does not replace the advice of your physician or other health care provider. Neither the owners or employees of SupportGroups.com nor the author(s) of site content take responsibility for any possible consequences from any treatment, procedure, exercise, dietary modification, application of medication or any other action which results from reading this site. Always speak with your primary health care provider before engaging in any form of self treatment. Please see our Legal Statement for further information.